They say that when you use drugs, eventually you start feeling like someone else. You're not yourself anymore but the person the drug has created. It could be a fiend, a ghost, a killer, who knows. Since I only use pot, and it's a "kind" drug, I never thought I'd feel that way, besides, a lot of my friends use it too, and even though I paid attention to their behaviour, I never noticed anything different, scary, or sketchy.
Pot is just great. Every time I smoke it, I just feel automatically happy. If I was having a headache, if I've had a shitty day at work, If I couldn't sleep, all I needed to do was hit the joint once, and it would magically go away. The anxiety, the sadness, everything. At least that's how it started. Now it's just all gray. I do feel better, but right after the effects are gone, things get worse and worse.
The doctor says there's a completely logical explanation, apparently pot is a downer, so if has "helped" perpetuate my depression. "It's all about the chemical cicles in your brain", she said.
Well, I guess I'm about to fuck up my brain for good. I don't feel like myself anymore. I smoked a lot yesterday, and I had a good time but in the morning I woke up and I realized something had changed inside my head. I have a headache that doesn't go away, and as the day passes, I keep feeling weird. Like my senses are not the same. I look at things and they seem brighter, or not solid, or made of water. Some objects are constantly moving and I just feel so tired. When I speak, I have this feeling I'm talking nonsense, and my thoughts repeat themselves over and over again.
Weed is taking me over. I thought staying sober was a piece of cake. A month and a half was all I could handle.
After three years of being an everyday smoker, now I know I need to stop.
I wanna be myself again.
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